See the complete Devil’s Dictionary of Scientific Words and Phrases here.
competitor a scientist who, for some reason, has taken a wrong turn on the Path to Enlightenment, accepts false doctrine, and despite your best efforts, refuses to admit the error of his or her ways.
collaborator a competitor with whom a temporary cease-fire has been negotiated.
regulation a process in cells involving many molecules whose function is to prevent everything from happening at the same time; in governmental affairs, a process involving bureaucrats whose function is to try to prevent anything from happening at all.
If you like the Devil’s Dictionary, you will probably enjoy these older posts:
Ontogeny recapitulates sobriety: from the Archaeal origins of life to the pinnacle of evolution: a PhD
Plus the other pieces in the categories “satire”, “science cabaret,” and “hilarious moments in science communication.” And there are, of course, many serious pieces on the site.
Feel free to pass along the link to your fellow science nerds! And, of course, quote the Devil’s Dictionary – just remember the reference! All material here is copyrighted Russ Hodge.